First I want to thank Hachi, Masha, Danielle, Samantha, Elizabeth, Irene, Dennis for leaving comments on this blog on myspace and blogger page...it means a lot to me and I surely hope many more will follow you and share with our beautiful family their own impressions/feelings/thoughts and experiences.
I truly want to share with you what I learn, what I see, what I feel and learn from you as well, that's why I invite you to leave comments and share... this is not a monologue... my deepest desire is for this diary to be a mutual sharing.
Talking of sharing... let me lead the way by being honest about what happened in the past week.
I was so excited about what happened during the "BLA BLA BLA the Live Show" (did you see it? if not, i'm telling you YOU'VE GOT to see this more than any other TV show out there!!! ok... wait after you read this blog, write a little comment and THEN come back up here to CLICK HERE to watch this pure bliss of true life and fun entertainment!). The truth is I've been in the band for what, 10 years?, and it's ALWAYS been a challenge to just be "Well" and feel everything between us was not only "ok" but was wonderfully positive. Lately we are finally LIVING IT!!! it's positive, we are enjoying each other's company without the personal confusion that tinted each of our relationships... We always were a family and what we went through allows us today to explore a brand new level of what friendship can be... a friendship based on the fact that we are equal, valuable, entitled to personal happiness and dreams, different and miraculously assembled strongly for a higher purpose.
Strong from that empowering spirit, I had my own idea of how I could explore even more all my dreams, how I could develop myself even more as an artist, I had plans in mind and many new projects and mainly ways I wanted to see things happening for me. I have to admit...I love having zillion projects, do many different things, to touch and learn as many subjects as possible and all of that is cool but what about being faithful in the things I know I have to do... what about focusing on what is needed and finishing things I already started... ouch. We had amazing talks all the band together. We talked about how much we accomplished already this years and what other surprises we were going to reveal for you guys before December... we talked about the pleasure we now have relying on each other and how we felt united like never before as we all push in the same direction... we talked about how we were planning things but in the end the most important thing was that we were united, assured of what we wanted and not how it would come to life...
The more we were talking the more I realized I wasn't going to have that "new setting" to explore what I wanted and get to develop myself the way I thought. Are you like me, wanting circumstances to be completely different so you can change habits or give you the kick in the butt to accomplish what you desire to see happen in your life? I wish exterior things could magically make things happen in my life. I would love my schedule to be different so I can have plenty of time to develop my voice, my piano abilities, so I could explore the fashion world and develop my jewelry collection with all the freedom and no limits or pressure... AH! is this a girl thing to believe in magic? I don't think so... maybe some guys can testify that they also have their own illusions. Well, the beauty of my family is that they don't let me sink in and go round and round losing precious time waiting for something that doesn't exist!
No, my daily life and schedule won't change. I cried as my illusions faded away. But as soon as the blurry fog of illusions were out of sight I could clearly see in the eyes of my friends and as clearly in my own heart this truth: "even if my circumstances don't change, my desire to see things happen in my life are still very valuable and they can still come to life... they are true and they are more than dreams, they are destiny." Does it take more courage? I think so. Does is take more effort? Yes. Am I worth it? I believe it. Does it feel easy? No. Does it feel real? Yes!
Believing the truth is a bigger job than I thought!lol But I have more chances to win than if I don't play at the real life game by feeding myself with paralyzing illusions! So here my friends you are my witnesses, I will develop my voice, my musician's skills and artistic design projects in the context I have NOW! And of course your support helps so much... you see in me things I can't figure myself... and when you speak out and seed life in me I grow and I gain courage.
Now... my question to you: " What would you like to see happen in your life but are waiting for something to change? What is between you and what you truly want?". For me, what I want is real and important but what I was waiting for was a mirage and excuses for the distance between what I am now and what I know I can be. What's the distance between who you are and what you want to be? What about taking one real step with me toward what we want today?:)
your sister...
Miss Isabel
