First I want to thank Hachi, Masha, Danielle, Samantha, Elizabeth, Irene, Dennis for leaving comments on this blog on myspace and blogger page...it means a lot to me and I surely hope many more will follow you and share with our beautiful family their own impressions/feelings/thoughts and experiences.
I truly want to share with you what I learn, what I see, what I feel and learn from you as well, that's why I invite you to leave comments and share... this is not a monologue... my deepest desire is for this diary to be a mutual sharing.
Talking of sharing... let me lead the way by being honest about what happened in the past week.
I was so excited about what happened during the "BLA BLA BLA the Live Show" (did you see it? if not, i'm telling you YOU'VE GOT to see this more than any other TV show out there!!! ok... wait after you read this blog, write a little comment and THEN come back up here to CLICK HERE to watch this pure bliss of true life and fun entertainment!). The truth is I've been in the band for what, 10 years?, and it's ALWAYS been a challenge to just be "Well" and feel everything between us was not only "ok" but was wonderfully positive. Lately we are finally LIVING IT!!! it's positive, we are enjoying each other's company without the personal confusion that tinted each of our relationships... We always were a family and what we went through allows us today to explore a brand new level of what friendship can be... a friendship based on the fact that we are equal, valuable, entitled to personal happiness and dreams, different and miraculously assembled strongly for a higher purpose.
Strong from that empowering spirit, I had my own idea of how I could explore even more all my dreams, how I could develop myself even more as an artist, I had plans in mind and many new projects and mainly ways I wanted to see things happening for me. I have to admit...I love having zillion projects, do many different things, to touch and learn as many subjects as possible and all of that is cool but what about being faithful in the things I know I have to do... what about focusing on what is needed and finishing things I already started... ouch. We had amazing talks all the band together. We talked about how much we accomplished already this years and what other surprises we were going to reveal for you guys before December... we talked about the pleasure we now have relying on each other and how we felt united like never before as we all push in the same direction... we talked about how we were planning things but in the end the most important thing was that we were united, assured of what we wanted and not how it would come to life...
The more we were talking the more I realized I wasn't going to have that "new setting" to explore what I wanted and get to develop myself the way I thought. Are you like me, wanting circumstances to be completely different so you can change habits or give you the kick in the butt to accomplish what you desire to see happen in your life? I wish exterior things could magically make things happen in my life. I would love my schedule to be different so I can have plenty of time to develop my voice, my piano abilities, so I could explore the fashion world and develop my jewelry collection with all the freedom and no limits or pressure... AH! is this a girl thing to believe in magic? I don't think so... maybe some guys can testify that they also have their own illusions. Well, the beauty of my family is that they don't let me sink in and go round and round losing precious time waiting for something that doesn't exist!
No, my daily life and schedule won't change. I cried as my illusions faded away. But as soon as the blurry fog of illusions were out of sight I could clearly see in the eyes of my friends and as clearly in my own heart this truth: "even if my circumstances don't change, my desire to see things happen in my life are still very valuable and they can still come to life... they are true and they are more than dreams, they are destiny." Does it take more courage? I think so. Does is take more effort? Yes. Am I worth it? I believe it. Does it feel easy? No. Does it feel real? Yes!
Believing the truth is a bigger job than I thought!lol But I have more chances to win than if I don't play at the real life game by feeding myself with paralyzing illusions! So here my friends you are my witnesses, I will develop my voice, my musician's skills and artistic design projects in the context I have NOW! And of course your support helps so much... you see in me things I can't figure myself... and when you speak out and seed life in me I grow and I gain courage.
Now... my question to you: " What would you like to see happen in your life but are waiting for something to change? What is between you and what you truly want?". For me, what I want is real and important but what I was waiting for was a mirage and excuses for the distance between what I am now and what I know I can be. What's the distance between who you are and what you want to be? What about taking one real step with me toward what we want today?:)
your sister...
Miss Isabel
Amazing words as always, Miss Isabel. As I've been shown in the last few days, the only thing holding me back is myself. It's so easy to undervalue ourselves in certain situations. However, once it comes to our realization--it slowly becomes easier to acknowledge our true worth.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to this blog a lot with things I have been going through lately. I mean, I am sure for much of my life there have been times like this. Always something I wished were different, so-called obstacles getting in my way of things. Some of them might even have been legitimate but for the most part, the biggest obstacle has always been me. I don’t think I realized that before or at least I didn’t want to own up to it, but who ever does? The thing is, owning up to these things are essential to personal growth and moving forward. This past year I feel like I’ve just been waiting.. but for what? The necessary change this whole time has been within me. I try to take small steps to work on myself but I haven’t stuck to any of it long enough for it to work. I am realizing more and more that I NEED to change if I want my life to change. I have some conferences and training sessions coming up to help me work through my issues and I need to re-dedicate myself to doing all that I can on my own at home to give myself that extra edge. When it comes down to it.. it’s all on ME.. and it always has been.. even if it’s not something I would like to admit. My ego that always wanted to blame circumstance is worthless and it’s only ever held me back.
ReplyDeleteI love you sister! We're both going to work on these things and become better together!
i want to see my dreams come true, but i waiting for the chances for make it real, i'm not yet become something, but i'm on my way to make it real.. (i hope) hahaha
ReplyDeleteXD
-mily
What is between you and what you truly want?". Time all good things come with time
ReplyDeleteLove, Mune
as always a wonderful blog and your always challenging us i love that about you
xoxoxox
hi dearest Isabel!!!
ReplyDeleteThis time blogspot required that i take a little more time to ponder your question - to allow thoughts and images to flow through my mind and heart. I've been thinking about so many things lately related to relationships and personal growth - the healing that is required within ourselves to dissolve away the barriers that keep us separated from God (a Higher Power) and from each other. What if reality is so much bigger than we can imagine in our finite minds - what if ultimate truth is something that no one can fully grasp and hold and unerringly proclaim? I really do believe that you and the other band members and somehow all of us drawn into the circles of your lives have been "miraculously assembled for a higher purpose", just as you say, and that the greatest strength of this communion of hearts and minds and spirits is the radical uniqueness embodied in each one of us. We have so much to learn from each other - so much to share and receive as we travel this journey of life into eternity together. Our own personal "illusions" are often simply the differences in our frame of reference, which is why the person outside of ourselves is the one most able to help us pierce those veils and masks and find the "truth" beneath, which is often an illusion itself, requiring more piercing level by level by level...deeper and deeper into hope and healing and love and peace. We ALL have blind spots = we all need each other.. As many have said so wisely in these comments, the greatest obstacle to our own growth is ourselves - the change required within - and I'm finding that the more I reach out and connect with the light in others around me - even those who might be perceived in my mind as "enemies" - the more the healing and growth that i desire becomes reality. You asked for one real step and this is the one burning in my heart most urgently now - allowing healing within myself to bridge the gaps in the relationships that fill and bless my life. "I want to STOP sitting on the spirits of those around me - I want to blow on the flame of their souls!!" (a quote from John Collins, someone i much admire - but also words that express the cry inside me..)
Thank you again for the healing awakening wind you blow upon the flame of my soul and souls of so many others!!!
I love you and believe in you always!!! mom e
Hello sister Isabel –
ReplyDeleteI feel that we all would like to have circumstances be different, if it would bring us closer to our dream and what we want.
I cannot imagine anyone wanting obstacles to block their path, but at the same time it just gives us a push to find another way to our destination. It isn’t a simple journey, or should it be.
I think that when we are presented with different situations, especially in cases which we cannot see firsthand with our human eyes that it helps build us stronger. It encourages us to keep pressing forward into this area, as it is what would be a good building block to get us closer to where we want to be.
I think it is possible to instead, take the time to learn a new skill or look into what we can do get started reaching towards that goal.
I am almost finished with my Creative Writing program, though until then, I have started to write a few poems, and thought that it would be good to post blogs again.
It would help with more than just writing, but to get ideas flowing,too. As I miss the interaction. Though, more than writing, it would be to see the man that fills my dreams and inspires and pushes me, and the family that that won't let me give up just because it seems hard!
I keep hearing that nothing is impossible with God, and it is true!It is about so much more than ourselves, but about God, and how when we put our trust in him, he will do great things!
Nice to see you writing again, sister, as your entries always inspire and motivate others to keep pressing forward!
I believe in all of you,
Heather
Hello Isabel - thought-provoking and interesting words yet again. I have always been amazed how you manage to do so amazingly well in both of your worlds. And, as someone who has the privilege and pleasure of benefiting from your care in your daily life - that other life away from music - I must say that I am glad you are able to handle both so well. I think that you bring the best of you to both of your worlds and rather than see time constraints as obstacles and roadblocks, you use them to challenge you and bring out the best from both. One world feeds the other and everyone benefits. So thank-you for not giving up on one life in favour of the other! Mandie
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